Hello, my sweet friends!
Last night before I went to bed I carefully cleaned and polished my kitchen table. I topped it with an assortment of buttery Snapdragons and a collection of my favorite pens and then, just before turning in for the night, I carefully perched a crisp white envelope that had arrived in the mail earlier that day against the vase.
I had visions of waking up early with the sun and gently tearing that envelope open. I imagined it might be quiet at that moment and planned to savor my coffee as I unfolded the document, read it over, and artfully signed my name on the bottom. I even hoped that I might have a few extra moments to sit still with the butterflies in my stomach and excited anticipation in my heart.
Instead, my morning looked like every other morning does in our home. Chaotic and loud and full of life. My carefully arranged table was soon covered with cereal bowls, crumpled napkins, and splashes of milk. Life, carrying on as it does, demanded that I forego my earlier plans, quickly rip open the envelope, scan its contents, scrawl my name on the bottom, and send it out to the mailbox.
Only now, hours later, have I been able to steal a few seconds to pause and reflect on this new adventure that I’m about to embark upon. Since so many of you beautiful encouraging souls helped me to get here, I wanted to share my news with you right away…
I’m writing a book!
I’ve been aching to write this book for months but have hesitated and doubted and delayed. Even when I could clearly hear God calling me down this path, I resisted.
Writing a book is such a leap of faith. It requires hard work, vulnerability, and bravery. It asks you to pour out everything you have. (And then a little bit more, please.) But when you are a mom of six…with another one on the way…who is currently in the final stages of planning a conference…and has a husband who works two jobs…that’s not much!
But the longer I delayed, the louder I could hear God affectionately laughing at me. Because this book I’m planning to write is all about overcoming fear and anxiety. And the only stopping me from writing this new book was…fear and anxiety.
Well played, God. Well played.
Whenever I meet someone new I like to ask them about the story that God is writing with their life. What is the theme? Who is the antagonist? How did they, the protagonist, defeat the villain? And what tools and wisdom did God give them to help them along the way?
My story has always been about conquering my fears. Every challenge God has ever laid before me has been oriented toward helping me to trust him more. While I’ve never had to carry the cross of a serious anxiety disorder, I’ve spent many, many days curled up in a ball, desperately trying to shut out the world and will away the frightening elements of my life.
Over and over again, God begged me to work with him to overcome my fears. Being such a good, helpful God, he gave me all the useful tools and sage advice I could ever need. Little by little I assented, and year after year I watched as my fears were defeated by Love and largely overcome.
So, this morning, after months of indecision, I decided to face my fear of writing a new book and chose to embrace the belief that if God is calling me to his book writing party, he’ll provide all the wine I need. I pulled out my fear-destroying arsenal, put pen to paper, and signed a new contract.
Now that I’ve taken this leap of faith and made the commitment, I am just so excited! I can’t wait to share this journey with you.
If I could ask only one favor of you I would ask you to please keep me and this little book in your prayers. I lack a great many things that a person should possess in order to write a good book but I also know that if I can remain open to the Holy Spirit (that’s where you come in) he will give me everything I need (including courage).
This adventure wouldn’t exist without all of you who have shared your stories, lent me your wisdom, and encouraged me along the way, so thank you. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
You all are the bee’s knees and the cat’s pajamas.